Do men take longer to get over a breakup than women?

Do men take longer to get over a breakup than women?

Men take longer than women to recover from a romantic breakup, but women initially feel the emotional pain of a breakup more intensely, according to a new study.

In some cases, researchers also found that men said they never fully recover emotionally. The study looked at responses from 5,705 participants in 96 countries who answered questions and rated the emotional and physical pain of a breakup on a scale of one (none) to 10 (unbearable).

“My experience counseling people who have gone through breakups is similar to the findings in the study,” says Dr. Kevin Krippner, an Advocate Medical Group clinical psychologist at Advocate BroMenn Medical Center in Normal, Ill. “Although it’s important to seek support from friends and family when recovering from a divorce or breakup, women seem to do this more regularly than men.”

The gender differences appear to be partly due to biology and human evolution, the researchers said.

“Put simply, women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man,” study lead author Craig Morris said in a press release. “A brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy followed by many years of lactation for an ancestral woman, while the man may have ‘left the scene’ literally minutes after the encounter, with no further biological investment.”

Morris added that since men have evolved to “compete” for romantic attention from a woman, the impact of a breakup is slightly delayed.

“The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it ‘sinks in’ that he must ‘start competing’ all over again to replace what he has lost — or worse still, come to the realization that the loss is irreplaceable,” he says.

When it comes to breakups, Dr. Krippner recommends looking at how a person was in the relationship and taking responsibility for changes that could increase his or her chance of having a more successful relationship in the future.

“But, equally important is to avoid taking ownership for problems in the relationship that were really not your fault,” Dr. Krippner says.

He adds that both men and women should avoid jumping into another relationship too quickly before they are emotionally healthy and “over” the previous relationship.

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Comments

7 Comments

  1. interesting !

  2. During our relationship, he would cause fights so he could leave, go out and party …back to the bar, I’d always take him back.. While together, never bought me flower’s no jewelry, not romantic, I was so blind but always would make excuses for him. Two years on and off…two months ago, I left him. I keep my feelings buried, it helps me stay strong, I haven’t given in because I realized it’ll never change and I’m wasting my time, I do love him and I miss him terribly, when I think of him I cry.. Today he sent roses to my work, we’ve been apart for two months, suddenly roses ? And for the past week he’s been texting me, the I miss you’d, the I’m still in love with you’s…he’s making it impossible for me to forget him, impossible for me to move on ! Every time I hear from him, I get sad, mad happy, I miss him holding me, I miss cuddles, but I don’t miss him being sneaky …I know in my heart I deserve better. When I love, I love full force, I am 110% faithful to the point I can’t even consider anyone else attractive, I lose sleep, I cook I clean, take care of him when he doesn’t feel well, buy him a rose and Teddy bear, cater to his needs, I don’t expect anything in return but he couldn’t even rub my back ( I have disk disease and arthritis) it was so one sided ! He claims he loves me and is in love with me…I could do so much better but I can’t stop thinking about him, I miss his touch, his kisses… I’m fighting it though and it’s so hard, it would be so easy to call him up and invite him over , I think he expected it after having roses delivered to me at work today, I haven’t seen him in two months. Never once gave me flower’s and suddenly now with a card saying he thinks of me day n night and is in love with me…why now ? Why do I do this to myself ? I just want to forget about him, he’s not good for me, yet he’s all I want. All I don’t want and everything I don’t need. Omg sorry for the novel, just a confused girl with a broken heart. I can’t be with him anymore ( too dysfunctional. Going nowhere) yet I can’t imagine ever kissing anyone else…Love Sucks !

    • I can relate you a lot.

    • It’s like we were dating the same guy lol. My ex same exact I mean EXACT way except this went on for 10 years off and on.. He changed last year I went thru some very bad personal things and had left him for another guy got into some trouble but he realized what he lost and begged me back and he did change 100% he said I love you for the first time in 10 years and actually bought one gifts treated me right I fell so in love with him again ans he didn’t change back.. He left me over something I did.. Something pretty bad that he found. I am 2 days into not talking to him once and it hirts bad.. Stay strong

  3. Omg my recent breakup is exactly the same!! I hear you!!

  4. Wow Jenna, you remind me so much of my ex-wife. She tried so hard with me for so much years, after being disappointed so much that I kept drinking and treating her like crap she eventually left me, and when I came to the realization that I lost her I tried everything to get her back, calling her, texting her, writting her, sending her flowers, gifts things I never bothered to do when we were married. Felt like I’ve been to hell and back trying to change, it’s been 3 years separated now and she has found out that I still haven’t learned the way I should. Until I really got a shook up I’ve finally decided to give up drinking but unfortunately I can still text her and get a response but there’s no love left from her for me because of all the numerous disappointments. I don’t give myself anymore hopes because it’s way too late and even tho there’s only been one other woman I’ve been with since we haven’t been together, I still pray for her and wish her the best and hope she’s happy and am working on myself to be a person I can be proud of not like ur ex or the way I’ve been up to recently. Touched my heart to know that u still love him Caz I kno because of the big part we were in each others life there will always be an unspoken love that due to weak character could not be fulfilled.

  5. This is random for me to put this out there but anywho. I was in an on and off with my ex for 7 years and every time he would be the one to leave and the one to come back. Every time he would leave it was a over something so small and half the time I never knew his reasons but I took him back every time. One of our breaks I decided to date other guys and it was more to fill in the void and I was never satisfied because I longed for my ex so when he decided to come back into the picture and get back together he resented me for a year because I had datied other guys even though he was doing the same. It finally ended about 6 months ago and it ended over something quite stupid. It took him 2 months to get his things and all I asked from him was to change his address so his mail would stop coming to my house and still till this day his mail still comes to my house. I had emailed him a month asking for him to fill out a address change form but nothing has changed. I know it sounds petty and to just reject the mail but I will have to have a consist reminder of him.

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health enews Staff
health enews Staff

health enews staff is a group of experienced writers from our Advocate Aurora Health sites, which also includes freelance or intern writers.